We have all heard of self-love. In our social media-first world, it is impossible to miss the memes, cute quotes, and wise advice from others about ‘loving yourself.’
But what does it all really mean? Unless you were brought up with a fierce understanding of your true self and the light that is at your core, you, like most people, may only know about the concept of self-love at a superficial level.
The truth is, many of us have been brought up to love thy neighbor, be good to others, and take care of others. However, we weren’t taught that all love and kindness starts with us. To truly love and care about others, we must first be kind to ourselves. After all, how can you give the love you do not have?
Self-love is the spring of health and wealth. Your reality is largely a reflection of how you feel about yourself. When you learn to love yourself, the quality of your life must change. You will make the right choices for yourself; you will prioritize your wellbeing, your purpose will drive you, and you will commit to consistent personal and spiritual development.
In this article, you will learn how to fall in love with yourself and your life again. So, let’s get started.
Make Peace with “What Is”
Sometimes, our life is not what we want it to be. Whether you are struggling with your health, relationships, or finances, it is so easy to beat yourself up and engage in negative self-talk about how awful your life is.
If you do not like the state of your life right now, you should definitely acknowledge how things are instead of being in denial about reality. However, your reality is neutral and it is up to you to give it meaning.
What meaning are you going to give to your reality? Instead of engaging in negative thinking and being sad about how bad things are for you, accept that things might not be looking perfect. Make a decision right now that this will not limit or define you.
Remind yourself that you are a powerful creator and that you have the capability to change the state of your life. It also helps to remember that everything is temporary and your current situation will pass too.
Self-Love: Get into A Habit of Forgiving Yourself
Have you ever thought about forgiveness? Why are you so willing to forgive others but are so hard on yourself when you make a mistake?
While you should hold yourself accountable and own your choices, you should also be willing to be kind enough to yourself and forgive personal mistakes and poor choices.
Whether you did something in the past that you are not proud of or you are currently struggling with a bad habit that you are working to improve on, let it go.
Every time you feel guilty or stressed out about something that happened, repeat a mantra like:
“I forgive myself, as I forgive others.”
“In this moment, I let go of my past and step into my future with intention.”
“In this moment, I forgive and wrap myself with the light of unconditional love.”
Holding onto grudges and past wounds will dim your light. This may manifest in your life in the form of ill health, toxic relationships, and negative emotions such as stress, depression, mistrust, and anger.
On the contrary, self-forgiveness will set you free from the burden of guilt and fear and will encourage confidence to live your life fully.
Let Go of The Need for Perfection
Self-love is fundamentally about accepting yourself unconditionally. Social media always shows us how perfect other people and their lives are. As a result, it’s easy to feel like you are not good enough compared to others.
The truth is everyone has their own flaws. On social media all you see are people’s “highlight reels” when really, we are all one of the same. Letting go is all about making peace with our flaws and if you want to, working toward self-improvement.
Accepting your flaws is such a powerful thing. It not only affects how you carry on with your life; it also influences the people you attract as well as how they perceive and judge you. When you accept yourself for who you are you will attract people who accept you just as you are.
Sometimes, there are things about us we simply cannot change. For example, much of your physical genetics, the family you were born into, and your past are pretty much unchangeable. They may not be perfect but guess what? The moment you make peace with the fact you are enough is the moment you will bask in the glory of self-acceptance and self-love.
There are some things that we can change. Self-improvement (steeped in love) is always a noble goal. However, to begin the journey of self-improvement that truly serves your highest good, you must accept that you are not perfect, you will never be, and no one should expect you to be.
For every flaw, you have a positive attribute. If you are struggling to see past your flaws here is a powerful technique to help you:
- Find a quiet place or even go out in nature
- Write down all the good things about yourself that you can think about
- What do others like about you?
- Is there a time you helped someone?
- What is your favorite memory of yourself?
- What positive words do people use to describe you?
- Ask peers, family, and colleagues what they think your positive attributes are
- Take a moment to savor this list and to remind yourself that you have many good things going on
In everything, do your best and give yourself fully but let go of the need to be seen by yourself and others as perfect. In striving for perfection, you might miss out on life!
Self-Love: Chart Your Own Path
As a child, you might have needed permission from others to do anything. Many of us grow up with this need for approval. We carry on this permission-seeking behavior into adulthood. This is often true for women as they have generally been socialized to put other people’s needs before their own.
If you are ready to fall in love with life and live it to the fullest, you must be willing to free yourself from the tendency to seek other people’s approval.
This is not about going around stepping on other people’s toes and being unpleasant in the name of doing what you want. Charting your own path is about setting intentions from a place of love and compassion for yourself and others, to pursue your life purpose.
Yes, you might have to be selfish and yes, you might hurt some people who do not like the idea of you doing what you want without their approval. However, these are the choices you have to make if you want to fall in love with the magic of life.
When you live life on your own terms, your circle might get smaller and sometimes it can feel lonely. But, do not be afraid; it is best to gain yourself and lose a few people than vice versa.
So, if you aren’t already, become very clear about what you want. Set up a plan to get there, and get to work. You do not need anyone’s permission to live the life you deserve.
Do Not Be Held Back by Fear
Fear is inevitable especially when you decide to do things differently. Conventional advice tells us not to feel fear but sometimes this simply isn’t possible no matter how optimistic you are.
A better approach is to proceed in spite of your fear. The point is you will be afraid to fail, you will be afraid to try something new, you will be afraid to embarrass yourself, and you will be afraid of being rejected. But, do not let this stop you from taking risks and trying new things.
Courage will strengthen your sense of self-worth and more importantly, it will open you up to amazing opportunities to enrich your life. On the contrary, allowing fear to paralyze you means you will be too afraid to take any action to even improve yourself.
Interestingly, great people and great opportunities tend to gravitate toward people who exude genuine optimism and courage. And, as you might expect, fear attracts equally low-energy people and experiences that dim your shine.
Life is too expansive and too beautiful for you to live in fear. There are numerous experiences for you to explore, so many places to go, and so many new people to meet. Life is to be lived fully in all its glory so feel the fear and do it anyway!
Stop Giving Yourself to Those Who Do Not Deserve You
While we are often our worst critics, the people we surround ourselves with can either make us or break us.
If you want to feel genuinely good about yourself, you must surround yourself with people who genuinely love and care about you. These are the people who shine light instead of darkness, peace instead of drama, kindness, and compassion instead of judgment.
In your pursuit for self-love, be prepared to let go of relationships that do not support your highest good. Sometimes, the people whom we love might not actually be good for us. If your values and state of mind do not align, your relationship with them might end up being too toxic for your own good.
The longer you hold onto toxic relationships, the worse you will feel about yourself and the lower the quality of your life will be. Most of the time, no matter how much you give of yourself, people who dwell on toxicity will not change unless they do it out of their own volition.
In as far as falling in love with yourself and your life goes, one of the best things you can do is to remove yourself from relationships that tear you down instead of build you up. It will not be easy but you can certainly do it.
Commit to Building Good Habits
Good habits and bad habits are all within your control. We are often told to drop or stop bad habits and pick up new ones as if it were that easy! This hard-hitting approach might be laced with good intentions but it also lacks a vital ingredient—self-kindness.
Without self-kindness, it is easy to resort to a vicious cycle of negative self-talk when you fall short. On your journey of self-love, focus less on your vices and how you should drop them and more on building good habits. This way, it is not about beating yourself up because of your struggles; it is about taking the necessary steps to developing yourself.
Committing to building good habits is so important because good habits not only drastically improve the quality of your life; but such a commitment is also a powerful way to respect your body, spirit, and mind.
At the heart of it, self-love is about taking care of your physical and mental wellbeing, and nurturing your spiritual development. Choose nourishing foods, participate in exercises you love, read good books, practice meditation and other healing practices such as yoga, and keep good company.
An important aspect of building and maintaining good habits is doing things that feel good to you. When a certain exercise routine feels good, you will likely keep up with it and enjoy the benefits.
Social conditioning has made us our own worst enemy but it is possible to break free from this limiting belief. Choosing to love yourself is not selfish. Self-love makes sense. On the contrary, it is your highest purpose. Besides, how else can you love others when you do not have love for yourself? Your true self is light and unconditional love, and even though you might have flaws, you are absolutely enough.